You Should Know Where I'm Coming From
by Lila2
Summary: Gina gives Bellamy a pep talk the morning after his fight with Roan.


**Title:** "You Should Know Where I'm Coming From"

 **Author:** Lila **  
**

 **Rating:** PG

 **Character/Pairing:** Bellamy, Bellamy/Gina

 **Spoiler:** "Wanheda: Part II"

 **Length:** one-shot

 **Summary:** Gina gives Bellamy a pep talk the morning after his fight with Roan.

 **Disclaimer:** Not mine, just borrowing them for a few paragraphs.

 **Author's Note:** I owe other stuff, but since I literally wrote this, by hand, in a doctor's office waiting room, I figure it's okay to take a few minutes to scribble an episode tag. Title courtesy of Banks. Enjoy.

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"Morning, sleepy head."

Bellamy blinks at the bright light shining into his eyes and tries to find his bearings. He's in the new med-bay, his bed situated beneath a window, so golden light spills across the white sheets. He squints at his visitor, her blonde hair backlit in the sunlight, and his heart constricts in his chest. It was a dream, a terrible dream, finding Clarke only to leave her behind. There isn't much he believes in anymore, but his team are his people – no one gets left behind.

The weight on his bed shifts, or his eyes adjust to the light, but it's then that he notices that the hair is too dark and the eyes are too soft. Gina smiles down at him and that feeling in his chest shifts into something different. He's safe behind Arkadia's walls and Clarke is out there with a bounty on her head.

"I'll stop fighting," she'd said. "I'll do _anything_."

He doesn't remember the knife sliding through the muscles of his thigh. He only remembers the crack in her voice and the panic in her eyes. She'd begged for his life and he'd left her there. He doesn't notice his hands balling into fists.

Gina notices, peers down at him with warm brown eyes. "Are you in pain? I can get Abby…" Her expression is part "you're an idiot" and part "I want to kiss it better" and mostly relief that he's alive.

"I'm fine." He relaxes his hands and folds them over his belly to keep from clenching the again. "Tell me what happened."

She looks at him fondly and brushes his hair from his face. Her palm is cool, the skin smooth, and it helps ease the tension in his chest. It's nice, having someone take care of him for once. Gina's fingers move in even motions over his scalp, her nails adding just the right amount of pressure. He sucks in his first easy breath of the day. "My boyfriend went on a routine mission and came back with a hole in his leg." She mock frowns. "I thought I told you to be safe."

Laughter twinkles in her eyes, but it doesn't make him feel better. He flinches under her touch. He shouldn't be joking around when Clarke could be dead.

Gina's frown turns real. "I was kidding, Bellamy." Her hand cups his cheek. "You came back – that's all I really care about."

His mom always said his smile could light up a room and he turns it on Gina, a weak smile but one that tells her that she didn't do anything wrong. She's good for him – too good according to Raven – and now isn't the time to pick a fight. It's not her fault that he couldn't bring Clarke home.

"I didn't mean to lash out, but things didn't go as planned out there."

"I heard you found Clarke." Gina raises her head, a challenge lurking in her dark eyes, and Bellamy is taken slightly aback. Since they met, she's been a source of joy and light, not a pushover, but a calm, steady presence while he put his life back together. She still isn't doing anything wrong but it's strange hearing her talk about Clarke. Not wrong, but unsettling – he isn't ready to share those feelings with her.

Gina waits patiently until he's ready, and the steadiness in her gaze cools his rising anger. If he wants this thing between them to be real, he can't keep secrets.

But he can't seem to tell the whole truth either, especially with his own failings so fresh in his mind. He didn't just leave Clarke behind – he left her to _die_.

"Yeah," he finally says. "I found her and lost her." It's so far from the truth that he almost laughs.

"That's not what I heard." Gina's fingers curve over his clasped hands. "I heard you risked your life to save your friend."

The laughter bubbles up in his chest and he swallows hard to keep it down. Clarke is many things but friend is a poor descriptor. He can survive losing a friend. The past three months without Clarke have been some of the hardest of his life.

He suppresses the laughter but can't quite keep the bitterness out of his voice. "You can thank me when we bring her home."

Something flickers in Gina's eyes, a flash of jealousy and fear that she quickly hides behind a tight smile. Again, he's taken aback. Gina is like a softer version of Raven, with the same ball-busting bravado, but she doesn't hate the skin she lives in. She's confident in who she is and what she wants, and she wants him. He knows better than to let that walk away.

"I'm sorry," he says and smiles in a way that would make his mother proud. "Clarke is…she left me in charge of forty broken kids that I don't know how to fix." He closes his eyes briefly, remembers the crazed expression on Jasper's face when he'd confronted the Azgeda warrior. Clarke wouldn't allow that kind of behavior. Clarke would know how to make it better. "Back at the dropship, we were partners. I don't know how to help them without her."

It's the truth, or as much of the truth as he can manage. He has felt lost without Clarke, so helpless as he watched Jasper's grief consume him and Harper erect walls he doesn't think will ever fall. He can admit those things because they're clear to see, just how much the mountain took from them. There's more too it, but then there always is. He tries not to feel guilty for keeping those feelings to himself.

Gina flushes and glances at him from beneath her eyelashes. He's never seen her so nervous before and it's a good look on her. "You have me," she says softly. "I know I wasn't there but I'm here now. Whatever you need, I'm here."

The guilt in his chest threatens to crush him, or at least cut off his breathing, as he tugs her down to curl into his side. He hisses when she accidentally jostles his leg, but then she's in his arms and it's not a perfect fit but it's good enough.

"You know, even Atlas got a day off every now and then."

He laughs and ignores the hollow ring to it. She's right, technically, and he doesn't have the heart to tell her that it was because Atlas's savior was driven mad by a vengeful queen.

"I'll keep that in mind."

Her breathing deepens and she sleeps with her cheek pressed over his heart. He holds on for as long as he can.

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